Donna pushed the trolley full of groceries toward her car with a grunt. The wind whipped her bleached hair into her face as she popped the boot and pressed her palm into her lower back. How she was going to look after her grandkids with this aching back she didn’t know.
“Mum!”
Donna threw the last bag in and closed the boot. Running across the road and waving her daughter yelled again, “Mum!” Donna squinted harder into the sun. She knew she needed glasses but was that really her daughter?
“Oh my god, Lynn, what happened to your hair?”
“I was in the ‘be brave and shave’, Mum.” Lynn said still panting, “You should have seen me in the shopping mall yesterday. Everyone stood around and watched; it was great! Aren’t you proud Mum?”
As Lynn stroked her hair and swayed her hips in a victory dance Donna had to resist asking if she had caught head lice from the kids again. Although Lynn was turning 28 soon and had her own kids she acted like an excited child most the time. “Always.” She lied.
“I gotta go back to the bus stop. I’m meeting Nick there. Thanks for picking up the kids.”
Lynn spun around and ran back hitching up her dirty grey track pants as she reached the road. Donna squinted again as she spotted Nick, Lynn’s boyfriend, in his fluorescent orange trolley pusher outfit waiting at the bus stop. Nick had promised to buy something for Lynn’s birthday and Donna hoped it would be something practical but she didn’t like her chances. Last year he bought her an adult size scooter. She watched as Nick asked Lynn something and she started to search in her bag. Donna walked to the driver’s side of her car as Nick started to yell,
“Hey, Donna! You got a light?”
Donna cringed as fellow grocery shoppers flicked their eyes to Nick across the road and to her. Now that the world knew she was a smoker Donna reached in to the back pocket of her jeans and waved a lighter to him. She could see a bus approaching but guessed the lighter was more important than catching their ride. The bus slowed to a stop and Donna’s heart stopped as she watched Nick walk on to the road unaware of a car trying to overtake the bus. She screamed his name but the wind carried it away before he could hear it. The car jerked forward as the driver slammed on the brakes but it was too late.
“He’s been hit!” shouted a shopper.
I got the impression that Lynn got her head shaved. Whose hair was she stroking? Otherwise I did like your story. I could hear Donna’s scream being carried away by the wind.
Thanks Marianne for pointing that out; I could see Lynn stroking her own shaven head clearly but obviously didn’t express that to the reader well enough. Thanks for your feed back.
This was great. I could visualize the whole scene. So Donna is grocery shopping and caring for her daughter’s kids by a different guy while she goes off with a new boyfriend? Nice Mum! Your writing is strong, not sure where the story is going, but the characters were strong and that was the assignment 🙂