Deception by Alice L. Doughty
When Amanda walked into the hotel bar in Moncton, the country music was blaring all around her, and the place was packed. It was standing room only, and they were lined up three deep at the bar which ran the full length of the room. In the polished mirror behind the bar, she could see the crowd on the dance floor, and she could see the four bartenders working their hearts out to keep up with the crowd.
This was no little dive club like the one she was used to back home; this was the epitome of country dance clubs, and as much as Amanda wasn’t a big country music fan, she knew that this was the very kind of place that Skeeter would hang out, the kind of place he and his friends would have lived in as teenagers if there’d been one back home.
Amanda was quite sure that Skeeter wouldn’t recognize her after all these years. She wasn’t the chubby, little high school student she was all those years ago, with the long, scraggly, mousey brown hair. She’d lost a good seventy-five pounds; grown six inches and added another three with her spiked heels; and she had gone to a very fashionable hair stylist who’d clipped and trimmed and dyed her hair into a very chic, short, blonde cut with several pink stripes all of which suited her tall, slim figure. Then, she’d added several piercings including an eyebrow ring and a lip spike, gone to a tattoo parlour and added a very detailed angel tattoo on her left shoulder blade, and bought an outfit that was so revealing that she turned every eye in the bar when she entered.
And she was right; Skeeter never recognized her. The thought never crossed his mind when she walked in that she might be there looking for him, although, he was certainly good enough looking to believe that once she saw him, she wouldn’t bother looking at anyone else in the bar. And he really was good looking with his slightly spiked, slightly mussed hair trimmed short in the back, a little longer on the top.
It didn’t take Amanda long to spot her quarry, but she never let on that she was the least bit interested in him. Making her way over to the centre of the bar about ten feet away from him, she smiled her way between several male customers, and bellied up to the glistening hardwood bar. Catching the eye of the nearest bartender, she ordered a Smirnoff Ice with cranberry juice.
It was a very fluid crowd at the bar that night with people constantly moving up and down from the bar and on and off the dance floor as the songs they liked were played, but Amanda held her place, and it wasn’t long before she heard a familiar voice in her ear.
“A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t be drinking alone. The next one’s on me.”
Turning slowly, Amanda looked up and into the eyes of the man she once knew as a boy. The rest of him might have changed, but the deep, smoky, blue of his gaze was just as she remembered from ten years ago. Forcing her eyes away from his, she let them wander down the length of his face, lingering a few seconds on his full lips curved in their ever-so-familiar grin, and then passing down to take a cursory look at his full length. Then, she pulled her eyes back up to his and allowed a slow, sultry smile to cross her own face.
“I never drink alone. Just look around; I have an entire bar full of people here to drink with me.”
“So I’m just one more face in a crowd, is that it?” asked Skeeter, his grin deepening at this banter.
“No. From the looks of things, I’d say you’re a player,” Amanda responded, running her tongue over her slightly parted lips.
“And you’re not?” questioned Skeeter. “It looks to me like you could play with the best of them.”
“Oh, no; not me. I’m as innocent as they come.” Amanda allowed her eyes to flicker enticingly and then looked at Skeeter directly.
For a second, Skeeter’s breath caught. There was something about this girl. “Have we met before?” he asked her, a puzzled look on his face.
“No, I’m quite sure we haven’t,” Amanda lied, and then quite truthfully added, “I’m new in town. So new that you’re actually the first person I’ve talked to other than the hotel clerk.”
“Well, in that case, I’ll have to put myself at your disposal. I’d be happy to show you around town, not that there’s that much to see. Where are you from?”
“Oh, just here and there, you know how it is. How about you? Are you from here?”
“Born and raised. So what brings you to town?”
“I’m just seeing the sights,” Amanda lied again. The nerve of him, to tell her that he was born and raised here. They’d grown up next door to each other. They’d made out in the bleachers back home when they were still only kids. And then, he’d left her behind for the glitter and glamor of the city. He’d never even know that she was pregnant with his child, not that he would have cared if he had known. Oh, yes, he knew her alright, and she knew him. Now it was time for payback. “So what’s your name?” she asked.
“It’s Lonnie, Lonnie Jackson. And yours?”
Oh, the lying skite, she thought. He wasn’t even going to tell her his real name. Well, two could play at that game. “It’s Lou Ann,” she replied, gracing him with her sultry smile again.
Once more, he faltered, another look of puzzlement crossing his face. There was something about this girl. He could almost swear that he knew her from somewhere. Giving himself a mental shake, Skeeter reached up and gently ran his fingers down her jaw line and across her lips. “Well, Lou Ann, here’s to new acquaintances,” he said, and raised his glass to her.
Amanda cringed at his touch but steeled herself to the task at hand. Returning his smoky gaze, she, too, raised her glass and took a sip. This was the hardest act she’d had to play since their high school production of Grease. “Right back at you, Lonnie.”
But that was the point at which Amanda realized that she couldn’t go through with her deception. Even after all these years, she still loved this man, and their nine year old daughter was waiting for her at home. That was really all that mattered. She was the best part of both of them.
“I have to go,” she said suddenly. “I don’t feel so good. Good-bye, Skeeter,” she cried and hastily made her escape into the crowd.
Skeeter was so shocked by her sudden departure, and by the fact that she had called him by his real name, that he stood there dazed for a moment. So he was right; he did know her from somewhere. And then he had it. Amanda!
Quickly, he scanned the crowd trying to find her. If only he’d known. This was the one woman he wanted desperately in his life. There was never a day passed that he didn’t regret leaving her, but by the time he had realized that and went home to her six months after he’d left, her family had moved, and try as he might he couldn’t find any trace of her. She’d vanished off the face of the earth. And now she was here.
Leaving his drink unfinished, Skeeter rushed out of the bar and went to the front desk of the hotel. “I’m looking for one of your guests, Amanda Stevens. What room is she in?”
After checking his computer, the desk clerk answered, “I’m sorry, sir. We have no one here by that name.”
“She told me she’d talked to the desk clerk, so she must be staying here. Would you please check again?’
The desk clerk checked once more. “No, sir. There’s no one here by that name. What does she look like? Maybe you have the wrong name.”
“Right. Right. She did tell me a different name. Lou Ann. She said her name was Lou Ann.”
“No. There’s no one here by that name either.”
“Ok. Well, you couldn’t miss her. She’s quite tall, blond hair with pink stripes, piercings, a tattoo.”
“Oh, yes, sir. I did see her, but she isn’t staying here. She left a few minutes ago in a taxi.”
“Did you see which cab company?”
“Yes, sir. It was a White cab, just like the ones outside the door there.”
“Thank you,” Skeeter called back over his shoulder, already halfway to the front door.
There were two other White cabs waiting outside the door when Skeeter came out, and going up to the first one, he leaned in and asked the driver, “Did you see the woman who just came out here?”
“You mean the hot blonde with the pink stripes,” the driver asked, and at Skeeter’s nod, he continued. “Sure. She just pulled out in the last cab. They were headed for the airport.”
“Skeeter hopped in the passenger seat. “Then so are we, and drive like my life depends on it, man, because it does.”
“You got it,” the driver said, and he put the car into gear and tramped down on the gas.
This was the longest drive of Skeeter’s life, and he barely registered the constant chatter of the driver as they made their way through the streets of Moncton and up onto the highway heading for the airport. He couldn’t stand to lose her again; he just couldn’t.
And then, there were the runway lights, and he was jumping out of the cab tossing the driver more than enough money to cover the fare. Dashing into the terminal building, he gazed around wondering where he should look, for even at this hour, the airport was full of travellers making their way to and from the various exit gates, or having just arrived, standing around the carousels to pick up their luggage.
Jumping up on the nearest bench seat, Skeeter scanned the crowd for any sign of Amanda, and then he spotted her. She was way down at the far end of the terminal headed for one of the exit gates.
Cupping his hands together and not caring what anyone thought, Skeeter yelled out as loud as he could, “Amanda.” His yell turned heads all down the length of the airport, and when he yelled her name a second time, she heard him and turned to look.
Amanda was amazed. He did remember her. He’d called her by name. Even with all the efforts she’d made to disguise her identity from him, he’d still figured out who she was.
By this time, Skeeter had jumped down off the bench and was running down the length of the airport, weaving in and out of the crowded aisles desperate to reach her before she could board a plane and leave him again.
And then, they were facing each other across a rope barrier. “Please don’t leave, Amanda. Please don’t go,” he pleaded. And with tears in her eyes, she slipped under the rope and into his arms. They had a lot of catching up to do, but maybe, just maybe, after all these years, they would have this one last chance as adults to make things come out right.
Things I liked:
I liked Amanda’s character and the fact that she had evolved and was self-assured. And I liked the sexual tension you created as she and Skeeter circled around each other. I thought you wrote very convincingly.
But, I didn’t care for the fact that she flew into his arms at the end. After you spent so much time expertly having Amanda two-step around him, I thought she surrendered too early.
Having said that, however, I do want to congratulate you on create a vivid, realistic scene.
Alice, I thought your character descriptions were very good, and the way you spaced physical attributes. You built suspense and drama by the way Skeeter sought out Amanda. The ending makes seems to show motivation if it is remembered she felt she still loved him, and the fact they had a child together, makes her anxious to renew the relationship. Overall, I thought it the story was very well written and of a professional quality. Best wishes for a fulfilling future in writing fiction. Don Crawford.